Why do I keep doing things I know I will regret!?!?

[brendala]

The season two premiere of the-show-that-shall-not-be-named was leaked a few weeks ago and I couldn't help reading the spoilers someone posted at the scooby_doo comm I moderate (and then skimming the video when it surfaced on YouTube). Most people who saw the episode like it but...it made even LESS sense than last season (if that's even possible). I didn't want to vent my spleen all over the comm since I'm one of the mods and I don't want to give the impression that I'm trying to shame people who like Mystery Incorporated; so I'm gonna vent here instead. That way all of you who are also morbidly curious can bypass the pain of actually watching this train wreck. You're welcome.


Basic episode summary/review



The new Crystal Cove mayor (a woman named Janet) is dealing with a psychotic clown who is terrorizing the city (and by "terrorizing", I mean setting off bombs left and right!). Just as she's wondering what the f**k she got herself into, a "mysterious figure" comes in and tells her that the only way she can fix this is by reuniting the scattered members of Mystery Incorporated. The mysterious figure gives her an envelope with information on everyone's whereabouts and then slinks away. Mayor Janet finds Scooby at an Animal Farm that resembles the George Orwell novel of the same name (complete with a crazy farmer who isn't afraid to use his shotgun to keep Scooby in line O_O). Unfortunately, Scooby ends up escaping, conveniently runs into Mayor Janet, and gets into her car before the farmer can reenact the end of Old Yeller with him. Scooby delivers a long monologue (and hearing him recite LONG stretches of dialogue just sounds wrong) about how he just wants to find his friends and she agrees to help him do it.

They find Shaggy at military school (with a buzzcut!) and Scooby breaks him out by stealing a tank and driving it through the barracks wall! And, before you ask, no one is ever punished for that stunt. 'Cause, y'know, the US Military is totally casual about security issues like that.

After that, they find out that Not-Fred has turned into a vagrant hobo (complete with disheveled clothes and a Grizzly Adams beard & haircut combo). And when Mayor Janet tracks him down, he is going door to door randomly asking people "are you my mommy/daddy?". I'm not kidding.
At first, he refuses to go with them because he wants to continue visiting every house in America until he runs into his bio-parents. But then Shaggy mentions that Fred would be the first person to ever trap an overweight psycho clown; and that is enough to convince Fred to return to Crystal Cove. So, basically, they bring him around by appealing to his creepy trap fetish. Because the thought of that entire city (and his two gal pals who still live there) being in constant danger wasn't enough incentive.
....yep, Fred is still "Rain Man" in this universe. And, in my opinion, making him this stupid just doesn't jive with the uber-serious tone this show wants us to swallow. Hell, the Pup Named Scooby Doo version of Fred was a more realistic and fleshed out interpretation of the character. And that show was actively TRYING to make Fred an arrogant dumbass!

Also, oddly enough, MI-Fred hasn't changed his name despite the fact that he now knows that he was named after his kidnapper. I'd like to think he did it out of courtesy for his friends who are used to calling him "Fred". But he had no intention of going back with them and helping them out until he was lured with the promise of making a clown trap so....what the hell?
Oh, after that scene we cut to Fred, Shaggy, and Scooby driving around in the Mystery Machine with no explanation of how they got it. We never saw Mayor Janet transport it to them and I doubt the Military School let Shaggy keep it on the base; so I guess Fred has been living in it since the finale....

...sorry. Couldn't resist making that joke! XD

Anyhoo, once they get to town, the "Crybaby Clown" attacks them. And, I gotta admit, the ONE thing this show does well is make monsters and chase sequences that are genuinely good. The Clown is frightening (his appearance reminds me of the Pierriot Clown from Cowboy Bebop) and is voiced by Mark Hamill. Casting Hamill for a "spooky violent clown" role may seem like cliche fan pandering; but he makes the voice just different enough that you're not distracted by hearing the Joker's voice coming out of a different character.

...*sigh* OK, now that I'm done praising the lone flower in this field of manure, back to the rant....

When Fred runs out to get the clown, Shaggy crawls under the dashboard and assumes the fetal position while Scooby makes a quip about how military school didn't do him any good (I guess he's picking up the "bitchy snarker" slack until they find Velma). So Shaggy is now completely useless and pathetic despite the fact that he's dealt with much worse on other cases.
Anyhoo, when Fred is cornered by the clown, the mysterious figure from before saves him. When the mysterious figure makes a sarcastic barb about his disheveled appearance, he immediately recognizes that it's Velma and gives her an uncharacteristic (for this version of Fred) bear hug. After that, Shaggy and Scooby come around the corner and, upon seeing Velma, they give her hugs, too. And she makes a quip about how she wishes Shaggy was that affectionate back when they were dating. Because G-D FORBID MI-Velma goes more than 10 minutes without whining about her crappy love life and her ill-fated romance with a man who has a creepy, quasi-sexual co-dependence with his insane dog!!!!

The show then cuts to the four of them sitting on the roof of the Mystery Machine while parked on a cliff overlooking the city. From above, Crystal Cove kinda resembles Palestine (ie plumes of smoke and explosions going off everywhere). She tells them that the city has been chaotic since they left and that, while she understood why they'd be angry at her for keeping secrets from them and generally being a pain in the ass, she was still hurt that they left her behind (technically, they didn't. But MI-Velma is a moron, so there's no point in ranting about that). Fred assures her that it wasn't personal and then suggests finding Daphne so they can have the whole gang together again. Velma reluctantly tells him that Daphne still doesn't talk to her and that she moved on and got a new boyfriend. Fred is hurt (I guess he expected her to wait around for him despite the fact that he broke off their engagement and skipped town without telling her where he was going), but he insists on seeing her anyway.

Cut to a fancy restaurant. We see Daphne on a date with an actor named "Baylor Hotner" who is famous for playing a were-turtle in a series of movies called "Dusk". That's right, this show's writers STILL have the audacity to mock Twilight despite the fact that Stephanie Meyer is much better at writing romance than they are (or, more specifically, at least she doesn't butcher beloved American icons when she writes her shlocky romance novels). So, yeah, MI-Daphne still can't feel complete without a man on her arm (surprise surprise!)
Fred spies on the date from the restaurant window. And when Daphne steps out of the restaurant, she thinks he's a random homeless man and hands him a protein bar from her purse (which I can't deny was kinda funny). Fred is bummed that she didn't even recognize him under all the layers of tangled hair and dirt.

After that, they try visiting Daphne's house. Daphne's dad (who actually does recognize Fred under the Grizzly Adams fuzz) is furious to see him and threatens to call the cops to drag him away; but Daphne comes out and tells him she can handle it. Not-Taylor-Lautner assumes that the gang are fans of his and pulls Velma and Shaggy aside to give them autographs. While this is going on, Fred tries to convince Daphne to re-join the team and tells her he doesn't mind if she stays with Not-Taylor-Lautner if only they can all be a team again. Surprisingly, Daphne shows some backbone and tells them all to go fuck themselves and let her move on with her life.
I want to be happy at Daphne's display of backbone. But I have a feeling that this season will just repeat what it did in the Wild Brood episode and characterize Daphne as a manipulative bimbo who uses men and messes with their feelings in order to suit whatever her current whims happen to be that day. Besides, we all KNOW that her new boyfriend will put on a monster suit at some point because they're gonna have to give her a reason to dump the hot celebrity and run back to Fred.

Anyhoo, after Daphne gives them the boot, Mayor Janet takes them to a press conference. Everyone (including Shaggy and Velma's parents!) are supportive of the gang reuniting because they're desperate to get rid of the Crybaby Clown and the sheriff has thus far failed to do it.
Speaking of Sheriff Stone, he's still bummed about his boyfriend Mayor Jones being gone and he's in denial about Mayor Janet being the one in charge. So he totally disrespects Mayor Janet's authority at every turn and, when the Clown strikes the press conference and demands a bunch of money or else he'll blow up more buildings, the Sheriff starts passing around a hat to get donations.
Which brings me to yet another one of this show's plot holes...why the f**k doesn't the new mayor fire the incompetent asshole Sheriff and/or bring in the National Guard to combat the violent terrorist!? Unlike Mayor Jones, she's characterized as being competent and genuinely concerned with making Crystal Cove a better place. And, unlike Mayor Jones, she's not dating or having sex with the Sheriff. So why is she keeping him around when he sucks at his job AND openly disrespects her authority and her ability to run the city?

Normally, it's silly to try to criticize the logic (or lack thereof) of a Scooby Doo plot. But, as I said before, this show makes a BIG deal about how angsty, dark, dramatic, and "real" it's characters and plot lines are compared to the goofy/cartoony/episodic nature of all the other Scooby shows. The creators and the defenders of this show point to the "complex" ongoing plot line as the thing that makes this show the special snowflake of the Scooby Doo franchise. So when you can't watch an episode without tripping on plot holes left and right, it's a big freakin' deal!!

Well, after that, Fred sets up a trap in an abandoned building. His trap plan requires 5 people. And when Velma questions this, he says he's sure that Daphne will have a change of heart and show up just in time to assist them in catching the clown. She tries to convince him to alter the plan just in case; but the clown shows up, the trap fails because Daphne doesn't show up, and the block of abandoned buildings explode (and the debris damages surrounding areas). Velma laments that, if the town didn't hate them before, they sure will now.
After they escape the blast, Fred reveals that his trap knowledge seems to have left him. And Velma says that she's felt "off" ever since the team broke up and has failed to figure out anything about the clown despite weeks of investigation. And Shaggy and Scooby say they're pretty much the same as always.
....so, basically, this show is implying that these characters are all so hopelessly co-dependent on each other that they lose their mental faculties and natural talents when split up? REALLY!? I guess the friendships in this show are just as dysfunctional as the romantic relationships.

The episode ends with Shaggy and Velma trying to cheer Fred up and say "we're still a team even if it's just four of us". He replies that they can't be a team without Daphne and, since she's never coming back, they can never be a real team again.
Gee whiz! Watching these characters mope about their love lives and their emotional problems is WAY more fun than watching them have a good time and be happy! How the hell did the franchise survive before the characters were changed into mentally disturbed jackasses!?





Random list of WTFs



  --Scooby's talking: One of the MANY bizarre things about Mystery Incorporated is how much they have Scooby talk. This show likes to have him speak full sentences instead of the combination of pidgin "Ringlish" and pantomime that he uses in most other incarnations. Scooby has always been humanized to some degree. But in this show he comes across like a mentally/sexually disturbed human stuck in a dog's body; which REALLY clashes with the serious, melodramatic tone that the show is going for.

Also, it kills me to say this, but....Frank Welker's Scooby voice isn't that great. The man may be a voice acting god, but he is no Don Messick. It never bothered me before because Welker sounds alright when Scooby's "dialogue" only consists of short sentences and Welker sounds perfect when he's doing animal noises (like barks and growls) because that's his forte. But in this episode, Scooby recited LONG MONOLOGUES of exposition and held an exposition dump conversation with a new character who had no trouble understanding him and didn't see anything weird about conversing with a dog the same way she would a human.

Now, that kind of campyness wouldn't be too out of place in a silly incarnation like Pup or 13 Ghosts (though it would still be weird). But Mystery Incorporated wants us to take it seriously and view it as the "edgy/adult Scooby Show". And it's hard to do that when Scooby Doo is prattling on and on about how miserable his life has been lately and constantly delivering snark bombs.


  --That whole "we're nothing without each other" plot twist:
I'm not sure if there's going to be some sort of super-natural explanation for the gangs collective brain fart or not. But, either way, it's a stupid twist. The idea that one person being gone throws off everyone just doesn't make sense. ESPECIALLY when it's Daphne of all people (whose primary contribution to the team was getting captured, looking hot, and humping Fred's leg).


So, yeah, my hate is still totally justified. I may lurk in the episode talkbacks for LOLs; but I can't imagine watching more of this show without throwing something at the screen.

Comments

[ichiban-victory.livejournal.com]

I don't know, I've had entire game campaigns die because one player stopped showing up, so it does happen. Mainly because the character in question was part of the story, and the story couldn't really continue without them...which sounds like what this show is doing now. Because you know that those diehard Daphne fans would scream foul if she didn't return to the group and the story dared progress without her.

Heck, it's why, whenever Slayers spawns a new anime season, it HAS to have the main four characters, because fans won't like anything new and different.

Anyway, sounds like you'd have to throw away everything you knew about the characters from past cartoon series and take this one as brand new, and perhaps a sign of how cartoons are being made these days. Or something. Personally, I never liked Scooby Doo cartoons beyond the campy 70s, so yeah...

[brendala.livejournal.com]

Heck, it's why, whenever Slayers spawns a new anime season, it HAS to have the main four characters, because fans won't like anything new and different.

While it's true that the anime shoe-horned Zel and Amelia into stories that didn't involve them in the novels; at least the anime provided a reasonable explanation for Zel and Amelia being there. You never get the impression that Lina and Gourry magically become incompetent losers whenever their BFFs are gone. Those 4 characters are good friends; but they can still live and function without each other for long stretches of time.


Anyway, sounds like you'd have to throw away everything you knew about the characters from past cartoon series and take this one as brand new, and perhaps a sign of how cartoons are being made these days. Or something. Personally, I never liked Scooby Doo cartoons beyond the campy 70s, so yeah...

Thing is, even if you pretend that this is the first Scooby show ever and don't compare it to previous incarnations, it still fails. The characters are completely unlikeable and one-dimensional, there are plot holes everywhere, the tone constantly shifts between goofy/stupid and serious melodrama, and the girls only exist to chase penises and whine about their love lives.

I don't think this is emblematic of how cartoons are done these days (at least I hope not!). I just think the writers behind this show royally suck at writing drama and romance.

[ichiban-victory.livejournal.com]

Slayers TRY would like to talk to you. (There's a reason why it's my least favorite season, a big reason being how the characters were portrayed in general, but also for episodes like the Wonderland spoof. Ugh!)

You know, I feel the same way about the new My Little Pony series, but you know what? It's just not worth getting all upset about. Just as a silly example, Applejack never had a Southern accent, and she certainly didn't wear a cowboy hat, have a dog, or even siblings. But, she does in the new series, and I just have to accept that the Applejack I knew as a kid is no more. I could get all bent out of shape, but I decided just to let the show be what it is, and that's definitely not the show I loved as a kid.

And, in te end, I'm okay with that, since I'm not the target audience anyway, and I'll just have my kids watch DVDs of the show I grew up with. They may never have to know about how my beloved show and characters ceased to be because the company that made them decided to go with something different.

[brendala.livejournal.com]

TRY had it's issues (Lina and the Giga Slave still drives me nuts), but it's still okay. Not great (especially as a follow up to NEXT), but okay.
....and I kinda liked the Wonderland spoof. Yeah, it was stupid. But I got some giggles out of it. ^_^;


At least New-Applejack isn't obsessively pursuing a relationship with a douchebag and telling little girls that they're too fat. Compared to that, an accent and a silly hat aren't that big a deal.

The reason THIS particular Scooby series gets to me more than any other sub-par incarnations of the franchise is the sexism and the assassination of a character that meant a lot to me as a kid. This may sound dumb; but I identified with Velma as a kid because I felt like a short, ugly nerd back then. She's one of VERY few lead female characters who isn't conventionally attractive. So for this show to actively remove ALL her positive traits just so she can be self loathing and boy crazy sets off my inner bra-burner.

[ichiban-victory.livejournal.com]

Alice in Wonderland (the Disney and live-action version) traumatized me as a kid. Watching Slayers retread through it didn't do me any favors. :P

Ha! No, Applejack isn't, but we have Rarity and Spike around for romantic woes, now don't we? And Spike is a baby dragon, so it's pretty weird that he'd be so into a romantic relationship at such a young age... Seriously, what kind of message are they telling young boys? (Throw yourself at the girl you love, even if she doesn't return your feelings? Ignore the girl that actually cares about your wellbeing?)

Honestly, I miss the days when cartoons like Scooby Doo didn't focus on love and relationship drama. Remember when the cartoon used to be about the gang solving mysteries while Scooby and Shaggy ran off to raid the pantry?

I always liked Velma too, but for different reasons. Mainly, that she was smart, and not afraid to flaunt her smarts to solve mysteries. I'm pretty bummed that society as a whole still regards women according to how they look, instead of their intelligence level. That's not an issue the cartoon started, but perpetuates. And with the success of series like Twilight, where it's all about a girl not being able to function without her vampire/werewolf lover, who can blame them? They're riding the wave of dysfunctional relationship societal popularity.

Really, you ought to be horrified that the first season did well enough to even get a second season. Seems the target audience liked what it saw, for better, or for worse.

[brendala.livejournal.com]

When I was little, Alice in Wonderland just bored me. Pinocchio was the one that scared the life out of me! I STILL can't watch the Pleasure Island scenes! >_<

The Spike/Rarity thing isn't treated like a serious "romance"; more like a little boy having a crush on his big sister's pretty friend (kinda like Trent & Daria). If it was treated seriously it would creep me out, too.


Really, you ought to be horrified that the first season did well enough to even get a second season. Seems the target audience liked what it saw, for better, or for worse.

It's weird that so many people like the show because it makes me feel like one of those "moral crusaders" who goes out of their way to find offensive things where they clearly don't exist. :(

Also, even if the awful romantic plots don't bug most people, I still can't believe the plot holes and bad writing didn't sink the show. I mean, this show's big selling point (the one that supposedly makes it so "mature") is having an ongoing plot/mystery spanning multiple seasons. But there are episodes of Pup Named Scooby Doo that have more well constructed and logical plots/mysteries than this thing does!

[dj-rocca.livejournal.com]

I dreamt I found a minilocket/watch/jeweled thing last night/this morning and it played the locket music from MI...

IF THE SHOW DOES ANYTHING IT SHOULD GIVE ME THAT SONG (since they destroyed my ship)

[earthstar-moon.livejournal.com]

I've read the summaries and I can' bring myself to watch it (even if they did get Mark Hamill for a guest voice.) The whole episode just sounds like a big depressing/angst mess and that just feels wrong. This is Scooby-Doo, the "friendship will always help us catch the monster" franchise. I don't mind drama or plot that might divide the gang up for a bit, but this is just silly. It sounds like they're really off track with the characters more and more.

*sigh* Mystery Incorporated, you could have been a awesome show. Why did you turn out like this?

[brendala.livejournal.com]

I know! It's like rebooting Sesame Street and saying:
"Hey! Lets have a story arc where Big Bird goes to an abusive mental hospital because of his Snuffalufagus delusion! And then Burt and Earnie are harassed and beaten by religious fundamentalists because of their lifestyle choices! Because that's the type of thing 'real' folks experience!"

And I just want to scream when people say the characters are now acting like "real teens with real problems". Maybe I was just the most boring teenager ever, but me and my friends NEVER experienced this type of nonsense in our relationships.
Plus, if I wanted to watch a show that "realistically" depicted how stupid teenagers in love can be, I wouldn't be watching a kids' cartoon starring a talking dog that solves mysteries. I'd be watching Degrassi or 90210 instead. Nobody wants to feel depressed when they're watching Scooby Doo.

[earthstar-moon.livejournal.com]

Hear, hear! I never had problems like this as a teenager, my biggest problem was making sure I was getting good grades in school. I hardly dated. This actually reminds me of the one time when I was in a university writing class and I wrote a story about two girls that were good friends and were going to be apart after high school (one going to college the other not).

My writing teacher that I should consider bringing in the issue up of the girl who's going to college missing her boyfriend when leaving since lots of girls go through that...except I never really dated as a teenager and who says I have to bring a boy into this. Here's an idea, not all teenagers date a lot! @_@

[brendala.livejournal.com]

I never dated in high school (unless you count my group date to the prom). I didn't want to get into a relationship because I had a lot of older friends, I knew that NOBODY stays together after graduation, and I wanted to avoid that heartbreak.
Of course, I did know a few couples who were drama queens and had "Ross&Rachael" style relationships. But the MASSIVELY dysfunctional ones were the exception, not the rule. And no one ever broke up because of a dog. :P


Wow. It's scary that your writing teacher flat out told you that a story about two girls was incomplete without a conversation about boyfriends!
I guess the media is so aggressive about portraying teenage girls as boy crazy that the culture at large just assumes that it's true for all of us. :(

Let's Finish Our Conversation

[slimemutant01]

Could you at least tell me why you thought Jones and Sheriff Stone had a "thing" going on, and please use good examples. It's easy to see why Sheriff Stone might be a mayorsexual, I agree, but I still need proper evidence as to why some stuff was "heavily implied."

*The Aphrodite ep wasn't meant to prove anything. If I happened to fall in love with an animal due on account of the pheromone, it doesn't mean I'm into female donkey ass.
*The Tiki Tub scenes. I noticd that the mayor's grin seemed to be frozen. It's understandable, as Mayor Jones was never a trustworthy person. His grin reminded me of the salesguy from Family Guy. They both used it quite a lot. A true romantic expression would look like the one Jones had when he was staring at Aphrodite. Lastly, there were no gay undertones. Sheriff Stone was the "closest" thing the treasure-obssessed, loner Mayor Jones had to a friend, and even then they were more like business associates. Ergo, they still spoke of business-related stuff even when they were just hanging out.
*The mayor's self-portrait scene. Mayor Jones probably asked the sheriff to make it out of prideful reasons. The man had a bust made in his own image, and placed it in his office, so yeah. I just got fanboy vibes from Stone.
*We saw them toghether a lot. Sheriff Stone just gave his boss rides to the monster scenes so he wouldn't use his rare Italian sports car so much. As for their friendship, it always fet so formal to me. The thing Sheriff Stone and Mayor Nettles have is a good example of a couple trying to keep their relationship secret. She's spoken to her boyfriend about other stuff other than business, and we see them spend time toghether by themselves.
*"Having sex with Mayor Jones". I'm gonna need to see that in order to believe it, sister.

That's all I've got, for now. Please reply as soon as you can. I'd like to get this conversation over with. Thanks.

Re: Let's Finish Our Conversation

[brendala]

I simply took the show's "wink*nod" gay jokes/implications at face value. I didn't ship them hardcore or comb every episode looking for hints or anything (remember, I am not a very big fan of Mystery Incorporated); so forgive me for not having a list of evidence handy.



That's all I've got, for now. Please reply as soon as you can. I'd like to get this conversation over with. Thanks.

I am both flattered and surprised that my opinion seems to mean anything to you. LOL
Seriously, I loathe this show. So I really don't give a damn who Sheriff Stone has sex with or whether or not Mayor Jones is interested in sex at all. And I am happy to see that Cartoon Network appears to be trying to kill the show via long hiatuses and crappy time slots.
**cue evil laughter**


Also, please don't take it personally when I take forever to respond. I have a lot of crap going on in my offline life. :P

One More Thing

[slimemutant01]

Lastly, Mayor Jones' apparent asexuality suits his character. He's never shown interest in any gender, and I hope he never does! Seeing an asexual character in a show where the romance is a part of (mostly) everyone's lives, is quite refreshing, you know? Besides, the romance would have interfered with his goals. Face it: romance and one's obsession with a supposedly "cursed" treasure do not mix.