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brendalaI visited my awesome Grandmother for a few days last week. One night she wanted to check out the new Betty White sitcom on TV Land called Hot in Cleveland (Bubbie is a HUGE Betty White fan). We watched it together and it was one of the WORST sitcoms (nay, worst TV shows) we have ever seen!
EPISODE SUMMARY:
Hot in Cleveland is about a trio of 40 or 50-something women who work in the entertainment industry and live in a house together in Cleveland with Betty White. I didn't care enough about the characters to remember their names or look them up online, so I'll just use my own substitutes. The main characters are named "Tall-Skank", "Valerie Bertinelli", "Daphne-From-Frasier" ("Daphne" for short), and "Betty White".
The basic plot of the episode we watched involved Tall-Skank wanting to go to a music industry party and throw a drink in the face of her ex-boyfriend (a successful, aging rock star) to get back at him for treating her like a sex toy and dumping her on the side of the road in the 80s. Valerie Bertinelli goes to the party because she wants to meet her favorite old school Grrl Power singer. Daphne tags along for....something to do, I suppose. And Betty White also tags along just for something to do despite being completely out of place there.
Anyway, at the party, Valerie Bertinelli runs up to her friends in a panic because her meeting with her Grrl Power idol didn't go well. Valerie says that she tripped, accidentally fell face first into her idol's cleavage, and ended up motor-boating said idol while trying to dislodge her earring from the singer's shirt. Now she fears that her idol thinks she's a creepy stalker pervert. Which is a problem that could have been easily rectified if she had just apologized like a grown up instead of running off like a lunatic. But this is a sitcom; so I suppose wacky misunderstandings that could be easily cleared up if the characters acted like mature adults and just talked to each other is par for the course. Valerie Bertinelli eventually decides to leave an apology note with the bartender because she's too embarrassed to approach her idol directly.
In response to Valerie's fear of being viewed as a stalker. Daphne tries to make her feel better by saying that she has tons of restraining orders against her and that "You'd be surprised what you can do from 300 feet away". Earlier in the episode, Daphne offers equally unhinged advice to Tall-Skank about ways she could get back at her ex that are more effective/damaging than tossing vodka in his face. I think the writers intended for Daphne's insanity to be charming, quirky, and/or funny. But it just makes me think that it's only a matter of time before she either pulls a "Single White Female" on her roommates or ends up like the psycho in Fatal Attraction. That kind of plot twist might actually make Hot In Cleveland a lot of fun to watch. But I don't think the people who write this show are that clever.
Tall-Skank eventually finds her old boyfriend. But she suddenly remembers how sexy his "bad boy" persona was before she can chuck her large, heavy drink into his face. So, instead of confronting Mr. Aging Rockstar for being a misogynist prick back in the day and leaving her to die on the side of the road, she follows him back to his hotel room after he sweet talks her for about 10 seconds. I wish I was making that up. -_-
Meanwhile, Betty White wanders around the party spitting out lame one-liners like an escaped Alzheimer's patient. Most of the one-liners are sexual in nature (there's one scene where she hits on a huge Black bouncer guy and asks if "the rumors about Black men are true?") because filthy things coming out of Betty White's mouth is totally not becoming an old, stale joke, right? Betty White barely interacts with the other main characters nor does she contribute to the plot(s) in any way. She's just there to rattle off bad jokes and waste her talent.
The morning after the party, Tall-Skank is sitting at home with her roommates and she's sad because her Rockstar ex-boyfriend is no longer a mysogynist douchebag (and therefore he's no longer desirable because his "bad boy" charm is gone). She complains, "He was so nice and romantic and considerate in bed. It made the sex TERRIBLE boo hoo!". Because, we all know that women can only be turned on by men who treat them like shit and are selfish in bed! Thanks for adding fuel to that loathsome stereotype Hot In Cleveland writers!
After Tall-Skank is done lamenting the fact that her ex didn't feed her roofies, slap her around in the hotel room, and leave her in a ditch by the side of the road; Valerie Bertinelli's Grrl Power singer idol shows up at the door. Miss Grrl Power tells Valerie that her apology note was sweet and that she's flattered her music got Valerie through her angsty teen years. Then Miss Grrl Power proceeds to shove her tongue down Valerie's throat without any warning or permission ('cuz that's what empowered feminist lesbians do!!). Apparently, Miss Grrl Power assumed the motor-boating and the note were just Valerie's clumsy attempts to hit on her. Valerie says, "OMG, I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that!). But I never knew YOU were gay!". Miss Grrl Power responds, "You never figured it out from my song 'Eat My Hot Muffin' or '[insert horrible lesbian sex pun here]'!?". Valerie responds by saying she had no idea. I guess this is supposed to establish Valerie as naive and/or innocent; but it just makes her look like a dumbass. If Valerie works in the entertainment industry and knows what "motor-boating" is, it doesn't make sense that she couldn't figure out the painfully obvious single-entendres in her favorite singer's songs.
This show wasn't totally without entertainment value. Bubbie and I had a blast mocking it...
Grandma: I don't get this show? Is it just me?
Me: No, your mind isn't going. I thought it was awful, too.
Grandma: Thank goodness, I was afraid it was just me! There was no plot! And Betty White didn't do anything. She was like set decoration. They're just trying to cash in on her popularity!
Me: And these characters are awful. They're annoying and none of the jokes they tell are funny.
Grandma: This show isn't going to last more than one season. I don't see how anyone could enjoy it. Sitcoms today are so awful.
So, take it from me and grandma, this show isn't worth your time! It isn't "so bad it's funny". It's "so bad it hurts to look at it". And as much as I feel for the poor actresses who are just trying to get a job that involves actual acting instead of humiliating themselves in some degrading reality show; Hot in Cleveland is a terrible show and it deserves to rot one-season limbo with all the other shows that died after one season.
EPISODE SUMMARY:
Hot in Cleveland is about a trio of 40 or 50-something women who work in the entertainment industry and live in a house together in Cleveland with Betty White. I didn't care enough about the characters to remember their names or look them up online, so I'll just use my own substitutes. The main characters are named "Tall-Skank", "Valerie Bertinelli", "Daphne-From-Frasier" ("Daphne" for short), and "Betty White".
The basic plot of the episode we watched involved Tall-Skank wanting to go to a music industry party and throw a drink in the face of her ex-boyfriend (a successful, aging rock star) to get back at him for treating her like a sex toy and dumping her on the side of the road in the 80s. Valerie Bertinelli goes to the party because she wants to meet her favorite old school Grrl Power singer. Daphne tags along for....something to do, I suppose. And Betty White also tags along just for something to do despite being completely out of place there.
Anyway, at the party, Valerie Bertinelli runs up to her friends in a panic because her meeting with her Grrl Power idol didn't go well. Valerie says that she tripped, accidentally fell face first into her idol's cleavage, and ended up motor-boating said idol while trying to dislodge her earring from the singer's shirt. Now she fears that her idol thinks she's a creepy stalker pervert. Which is a problem that could have been easily rectified if she had just apologized like a grown up instead of running off like a lunatic. But this is a sitcom; so I suppose wacky misunderstandings that could be easily cleared up if the characters acted like mature adults and just talked to each other is par for the course. Valerie Bertinelli eventually decides to leave an apology note with the bartender because she's too embarrassed to approach her idol directly.
In response to Valerie's fear of being viewed as a stalker. Daphne tries to make her feel better by saying that she has tons of restraining orders against her and that "You'd be surprised what you can do from 300 feet away". Earlier in the episode, Daphne offers equally unhinged advice to Tall-Skank about ways she could get back at her ex that are more effective/damaging than tossing vodka in his face. I think the writers intended for Daphne's insanity to be charming, quirky, and/or funny. But it just makes me think that it's only a matter of time before she either pulls a "Single White Female" on her roommates or ends up like the psycho in Fatal Attraction. That kind of plot twist might actually make Hot In Cleveland a lot of fun to watch. But I don't think the people who write this show are that clever.
Tall-Skank eventually finds her old boyfriend. But she suddenly remembers how sexy his "bad boy" persona was before she can chuck her large, heavy drink into his face. So, instead of confronting Mr. Aging Rockstar for being a misogynist prick back in the day and leaving her to die on the side of the road, she follows him back to his hotel room after he sweet talks her for about 10 seconds. I wish I was making that up. -_-
Meanwhile, Betty White wanders around the party spitting out lame one-liners like an escaped Alzheimer's patient. Most of the one-liners are sexual in nature (there's one scene where she hits on a huge Black bouncer guy and asks if "the rumors about Black men are true?") because filthy things coming out of Betty White's mouth is totally not becoming an old, stale joke, right? Betty White barely interacts with the other main characters nor does she contribute to the plot(s) in any way. She's just there to rattle off bad jokes and waste her talent.
The morning after the party, Tall-Skank is sitting at home with her roommates and she's sad because her Rockstar ex-boyfriend is no longer a mysogynist douchebag (and therefore he's no longer desirable because his "bad boy" charm is gone). She complains, "He was so nice and romantic and considerate in bed. It made the sex TERRIBLE boo hoo!". Because, we all know that women can only be turned on by men who treat them like shit and are selfish in bed! Thanks for adding fuel to that loathsome stereotype Hot In Cleveland writers!
After Tall-Skank is done lamenting the fact that her ex didn't feed her roofies, slap her around in the hotel room, and leave her in a ditch by the side of the road; Valerie Bertinelli's Grrl Power singer idol shows up at the door. Miss Grrl Power tells Valerie that her apology note was sweet and that she's flattered her music got Valerie through her angsty teen years. Then Miss Grrl Power proceeds to shove her tongue down Valerie's throat without any warning or permission ('cuz that's what empowered feminist lesbians do!!). Apparently, Miss Grrl Power assumed the motor-boating and the note were just Valerie's clumsy attempts to hit on her. Valerie says, "OMG, I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that!). But I never knew YOU were gay!". Miss Grrl Power responds, "You never figured it out from my song 'Eat My Hot Muffin' or '[insert horrible lesbian sex pun here]'!?". Valerie responds by saying she had no idea. I guess this is supposed to establish Valerie as naive and/or innocent; but it just makes her look like a dumbass. If Valerie works in the entertainment industry and knows what "motor-boating" is, it doesn't make sense that she couldn't figure out the painfully obvious single-entendres in her favorite singer's songs.
This show wasn't totally without entertainment value. Bubbie and I had a blast mocking it...
Grandma: I don't get this show? Is it just me?
Me: No, your mind isn't going. I thought it was awful, too.
Grandma: Thank goodness, I was afraid it was just me! There was no plot! And Betty White didn't do anything. She was like set decoration. They're just trying to cash in on her popularity!
Me: And these characters are awful. They're annoying and none of the jokes they tell are funny.
Grandma: This show isn't going to last more than one season. I don't see how anyone could enjoy it. Sitcoms today are so awful.
So, take it from me and grandma, this show isn't worth your time! It isn't "so bad it's funny". It's "so bad it hurts to look at it". And as much as I feel for the poor actresses who are just trying to get a job that involves actual acting instead of humiliating themselves in some degrading reality show; Hot in Cleveland is a terrible show and it deserves to rot one-season limbo with all the other shows that died after one season.
