brendala

Up until now, I've focused on reviewing/re-capping Scooby Doo episodes that I enjoy. However, I’m told that negative reviews are far more fun for others to read. So this time I’m re-capping an episode that sucks from the What’s New Scooby Doo Series: “Camp Comeoniwannascareya”

.....you probably thought I was going to use an episode from the-show-that-shall-not-be-named. However, all my attempts to recap that show ended in a flurry of bra-burning and profanity. So don’t expect me to try that again anytime soon.

Now, let’s begin:

Camp Comeoniwannascareya is doomed from the start by the fact that Velma, Fred, and Daphne are nowhere to be seen. Shaggy and Scooby got jobs as camp counselors and didn’t invite the rest of the gang along. I guess they didn’t learn their lesson from the Scrappy years.

Our episode begins with Shaggy leading a camp-out with his ethnically diverse, politically correct group of annoying kid campers. These kids are so boring that I can’t be bothered to remember their names. So I shall assign them stupid nicknames to amuse myself.

First up is Brainy Blonde (who serves as the obvious Velma stand in for this episode). He’s built a ridiculously impractical machine for roasting marshmallows

When the fire dies down, Shaggy and Scooby do the responsible thing and leave the children alone while they go fetch more firewood (who was the dumbass who decided that these two should be in charge of a group of small children!?). Our heroes then stumble on some wrecked construction vehicles and a large Slime Monster!

CUE THEME SONG

Cut back to Scooby and Shaggy. Just as the monster zeroes in on them, Brainy Blonde comes to his rescue along with his two friends.

This one I shall dub “Token Black”. Because he literally has no purpose beyond adding some color to this group of wannabee Planeteers.

And this one shall be “Asian Fred” (since she’s pretty much the Freddy stand in for this episode)

They chase away the monster and the noise alerts the other campers. The politically correct trio tell the other kids that “The Toxic Terror” attacked them. But this boy (who I shall call “Exposition Boy”)…

…thinks that they’re spewing bullcrap. When Shaggy and Scooby ask what the Toxic Terror is, Exposition Boy grabs a dramatic flashlight and tells them the old ghost story.

The story is that Construction workers found toxic waste when they were building the camp. However, instead of telling the landowners, they kept quiet and simply built Cabin 13 over the toxic waste deposit. The first person to sleep in that cabin was a camp counselor, and the toxic terror made him “disappear”. And now that cabin is cursed or whatever.

After the story is done, we get to meet our first suspect (and the obvious red herring villain) Shaggy’s boss the Camp Director.

He gets pissed when the kids blame the destruction on the Toxic Terror and threatens to cut off their s’more supply if they don’t cut out the ghost stories. He’s constantly pissed off and worried about the vandalism hurting his new business venture.

And no, I don’t know why a man who so clearly hates fun and children is running a summer camp

Cut to the camp petting zoo.

We see Scooby get assaulted by turtles…

…while Shaggy tells one of his co-counselors (named Grey) about what happened. Grey dismisses his monster theory and goes on a rant about how the mean ol’ Camp Director wants to turn the camp into a swanky resort for adults only and close down the fun summer camp.

“How DARE that man do what he wants with his own property!! That MONSTER!”

Cut to bedtime….

Camp Comeoniwannascareya puts a lot of trust in it’s kids and counselors. Not only are the sleeping cabins co-ed, but the counselors and their pets are allowed to sleep in the same room with the kids.

I went to a few sleepover camps when I was a kid. Co-ed cabins were unusual, but not completely unheard of for younger kids. However, I have never heard of one where the counselors (especially MALE counselors) sleep in the same room with the children. Maybe some places do that; but I don’t remember any. I know it was done for plot convenience; but it’s still weird.

Anyway, the monster attacks through the floor and Shaggy wonders why they’re being targeted despite sleeping in Cabin 18. Turns out some prankster painted the 13 to look like an 18 to mess with them.

Shaggy and the kids commandeer some golf carts (they mention that the Director replaced their old horses with carts) and ride like hell.

"For Goodness sake, Shaggy! Let the children ride INSIDE the cart!!!!"

Brainy Blonde notices that the slime is highly corrosive and tells his fellow Planeteers to keep their distance from it.

Shaggy makes one of his few good decisions in this episode by telling the kids they should warn his boss about the dangerous, acid spewing monster terrorizing his property.

Cut to construction site.

The Camp Director is showing off the half-finished day spa to some investors. He mentions that he wants to pave the dirt and knock down a bunch of trees to make a walking/driving path for the spa guests because he’s clearly an evil person who hates nature. He also assures them that the children’s camp will be shut down by the time the spa opens so no bratty little urchins will bother them.

.......honestly, I can’t say I’m against his idea. That spa sounds better than the summer camps I got stuck going to as a kid.

I’m sure he would twirl his moustache if he had one.

Cut to the swimming hole. Shaggy and Scooby are in charge of the children’s safety because the people who run the place are stupid

Asian Fred tells her Planeteer buddies that she wants to hatch a plan to save the camp. And then Exposition Boy tries to scare her with a shark costume (try dipping her pigtails in some paste next time, dude).

Grey approaches Shaggy to remind him that their cabins are having a campout tonight despite the fact that there's an acid spitting monster roaming the property (I hope this campground is paid up on its liability insurance!).

Grey is shocked and angered to find tennis courts where her favorite outdoor camping spot used to be and starts ranting about what a douchebag their boss is. Shaggy on the other hand, thinks the tennis courts are awesome because the floodlights are bright enough to keep the monster at bay (or at least allow them all to see it coming).

This Grey chick is making Shaggy look competent by comparison. That is sad.

Stop scowling, girlie. You know I’m right.

After Shaggy goes to sleep Asian Fred, Brainy Blonde, and Token Black sneak off the tennis court. Brainy somehow managed to make special glasses that can track toxic fumes (who knew they had that kind of tech lying around a campsite?).

The kids follow the trail and find diving equipment in an unused shed.

Meanwhile, Scooby wakes up to find 3 sleeping bags empty, so he grabs Shaggy and they go off looking for those 3 stupid Planeteers. But before they can find them, the monster attacks.

A chase ensues accompanied by some lame, forgettable music (aside from the theme song, What’s New Scooby Doo has a pretty awful soundtrack).

During the chase, Scooby and Shaggy run into the Planeteers and the monster chases them all into the Spa’s construction site. When Shaggy, Scooby, and the kids take cover in a tower, the monster corrodes the bottom support beams!

Luckily, they’re able to jump off into the lake and miraculously avoid having their skulls crushed by falling metal beams

The owner comes by and is understandably pissed to find his solar tower floating in pieces in the lake.

He accuses the kids of vandalizing his Spa property because they’re bitter about their camp being replaced by a resort. The children insist that they’re innocent and beg the Director to reconsider closing the summer camp. But he tells them that, even if he wanted to, all the accidents are making it clear that this place isn’t safe for kids.

The episode tries it’s best to make the Director look like a mean villain. But he’s my favorite character in this episode. He’s the only one who is talking sense and using reason in the situation instead of blind fear and/or emotion. Honestly, I’m surprised he didn’t just send refunds to the kids’ parents and ship the little brats back home (he’d certainly be justified if he did).

The Camp Directior tries to reason with the Planeteers. The conversation goes thusly…

-Director: Look. Stuff keeps breaking and it’s only a matter of time before somebody gets hurt or dies. You don’t want to get injured or murdered, do you?

-Token Black: HOW DARE YOU SHOW CONCERN FOR OUR SAFETY!? You just wanna turn your property into a place for grown ups! ADMIT IT!!!!

-Asian Fred: You can’t do what you want with your own property!!! We love this camp!! And that should be reason enough for you to scrap the luxury resort you already put a ton of money into and let us have our summer funtimes forever!!

-Director: SCREW YOU, MUNCHKIN! And get back to bed. Preferably an indoor bed. It’s three o’clock in the fu**ing morning for crying out loud!

Seriously, this episode keeps trying to make this guy look evil. But so far he’s the only person who has been consistently looking out for the kids’ physical safety. True, it’s probably more for insurance reasons that out of the goodness of his heart. But still…

Cut to…a log.

The Planeteers are depressed because they couldn’t save the camp. So Shaggy tries to cheer them up by announcing that he plans to use his experience solving similar stupid cases to help them solve this mystery.

*sigh* It figures. The one time he grows a pair is also the one time he’s in a position of power and would be 110% justified in telling everyone “Screw the mystery. We’re going someplace safe and letting the proper authorities handle this!”

I wanna say his heart is in the right place; but that probably wouldn’t be much comfort to these kids’ parents if they were dissolved by acid while playing Nancy Drew.

Shaggy, Scooby, and the Planeteers start by checking out Cabin 13. And as soon as they enter the basement, the monster attacks and does the old “melt the support beams” trick again.

They all make the brilliant decision to hide in a treehouse where they’ll have nowhere to run if the monster spots them.

However, when the monster does spot them, it opts to leave them alone. Shaggy wonders why it wouldn’t attack them in the treehouse. Asian Fred announces that she’s figured it out and pulls out a map of all the places the Toxic Terror attacked

Turns out all of its targets were places that were recently built or remodeled (Cabin 13 had just been remodeled that summer). And all the old structures were left alone. Asian Fred says that she has a plan and needs to build a monster trap. So Shaggy volunteers to build a “Fred Trap” for her.

Now we know why Shaggy isn’t put in charge of traps very often

However, in the one genuinely funny scene in this episode, the Planeteers decide to just throw a net on the monster because Shaggy’s contraption looks stupid

They pull off the mask to reveal…Exposition Boy!

He laughs and tells them he was just trying to freak them out. But Asian Fred says he can’t be it because none of the clues point to him. Right on cue, another one shows up behind them

Luckily, monster #2 is stupid and falls into Shaggy’s crappy trap. They pull off the mask to reveal the only logical suspect. Gray The Granola Girl!

Her explanation for putting on an acid suit is (and these are her EXACT words!)

“I was never trying to hurt you and Scooby. I just wanted to destroy the buildings around camp. You were all just always in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

This is really what she says!!!! And the show expects us to sympathize with her!!!

Oh, she also reveals that the “acid” on her suit is toxic moss that grows deep in the woods. So this dumb girl wants to save a forest full of toxic moss that can MELT STEEL so that children can frolic in it!? WTF!?

Shaggy asks Gray why she did it and she says that she wanted to scare the Camp Director away from his own property because it’s wrong to want to change nice things for the sake of progress. And she laments to Shaggy about how they’re going to lose this super special camp full of warm fuzzy memories (and deadly toxic plants).

And here’s where the episode gets infuriating. Try to guess what Shaggy does after learning that his co-worker is an eco-terrorist who did thousands of dollars worth of damage to their boss’ property and almost murdered him, his dog, a bunch of small children, and probably a few cute fuzzy woodland creatures. Do you think he…

A) Cussed her out for almost killing him, his dog, and the children. And then immediately tied her up, tossed her into a locked shed, and called the cops. And then, after the crazy hippie is hauled away, he uses this incident to teach his campers a valuable lesson about accepting change gracefully and not committing felonies just because your boss pissed you off.

B) He tried to reason with her and told her that, while it’s sad the camp will close, that’s no excuse to destroy another person’s property and endanger the lives of innocent people (and dogs). And then promise not to rat her out if she just stops being a terrorist.

C) He forgave her for all the attempted murders and decides that what she’s been doing is totally awesome. And then he decided that he wanted to join in and drag all the impressionable young children along for the ride.

Sadly, the answer is C.

We cut to the Camp Directors private cabin. Shaggy reminds his campers that his boss hasn’t seen the monster yet and decides to scare the crap out of him by putting everyone (including the kids) in monster suits and surrounding his home.

Oh, and now we get to add “breaking and entering” to the list of crimes excused by this awful episode

Our protagonists break in through the windows and surround him until he runs screaming from the cabin.

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!!!!

The episode ends with the children frolicking in the ol’ swimming hole while Shaggy looks on. I’m assuming he’s supposed to be the lifeguard. Those kids are so freakin’ dead.

This begs the question.....how did chasing the guy out of his cabin solve the problem? He still owns the property and can do whatever the hell he wants with it. And if anything, being attacked by monsters probably strengthened his conviction that no child should ever come within 100 miles of this place!

I wrote an alternate ending that I think ties up the plot holes much better:

-Camp Director: **runs screaming from cabin**
-Shaggy and the children: LOL! We got him! Gee whiz, scaring him was fun! It’s a great last huzzah before that douchebag closes the camp down
-Grey: oh don’t worry. The camp is staying
-Shaggy: But, Gray. Like, chasing him away doesn’t solve this problem. He still owns this place and can do whatever he wants with it
-Grey: Oh I know! That’s why I dug a hole outside his front door, filled it with toxic moss, and covered it with sticks and leaves.
-Shaggy: You did WHAT!? But wont that kill him?
-Camp Director: *splash* OH GOD!!! IT BURNS!! SOMEBODY HELP ME HOLY SHIT MY LEGS ARE DISSOLVING!!!! PLEASE TELL MY WIFE I LOVE HER!!!! AARGGG!!!
**fizzle**
-Grey: Yep
-Shaggy: ohmygod! ohmygod!! We’re murderers now!! We forced a bunch of small children to help us murder a man. We’re monsters!!
-Grey: So? He was part of the 1%. He totally deserved it. OCCUPY CAMP COMEONIWANNASCAREYA!!!!
-Shaggy: Are you crazy!? My father is a cop and all my friends are detectives! I’ve just shamed everyone I care about! Oh god, I’ll never be able to look my baby sister in the eyes again. I’m a terrible human being!!! *sob*
-Scooby: *whine*
-Shaggy: Scooby Doo? Please forget me and go live with Velma. If you run away now you might be able to escape an “accessory to murder” charge
-Scooby: Rokay. Rye Raggy! *flees*

This is my biggest problem with What’s New Scooby Doo. No one EVER goes to jail in this show! And the gang (and all the crooks’ victims) are extremely quick to forgive things like attempted murder, kidnapping, property damage, etc. And the fact that it’s for kids is a weak explanation because just about every episode of A Pup Named Scooby Doo ended with someone being hauled off in handcuffs.

This episode is particularly awful because it excuses terrorist behavior and has Shaggy and Scooby Doo join in to victimize an innocent man and turn a bunch of children in his care into criminals. This is just messed up and sends a terrible message to the young demographic it’s aimed at. I think EVERY episode should have ended with an arrest. That way, kids will learn that crime doesn’t pay and they’ll think twice before putting on a monster suit and swindling somebody.

P.S. I did a "first impression" review of this episode a while back and drew a "missing scene" where the rest of the gang shows up. The drawing looks like ass because I scribbled it in 10 minutes, but I'm putting it here for the sake of completion:

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